I haven't posted about what I'm learning for a while now. And here's my problem. I HAVE NO IDEA! It seems like the last couple of weeks I've just been plagued with random thoughts and good ideas and some maybe not-so-good thoughts. Then I get sad and mad at myself and then happy. I begin to feel like I haven't learned anything and many times just feel like I'll never figure this whole thing out. What whole thing?
THIS:
How do I be a woman of God giving Him glory in all that I do?
Love people whenever I possibly can.
Raise 4 children who LOVE JESUS with all their heart.(And do a much better job at this whole thing)
Love the orphan, the widow, the needy.
Live a faith that is "real" and SHARE it with others
Keep my house clean, but not in a way that makes it more important than what is truly important
Find time to daily sit with my Savior. Worshiping him, studying the Word, listening, confessing, obeying
Do the dishes, laundry, feed kids, clean up and then feed them again
Love on my husband in a way that is Godly and keeps him always wanting more :D
Prepare my heart for a weekly time to pour into newly married couples
Find friendships that build me up and challenge me and be a better friend to the friends I already have that do that
Remind myself that there is a bigger reason to live my life than JUST ME!
Find time to watch all those STUPID shows I absolutely love
Cry because I feel like I could do so much more for my King and His kingdom
Begin to dream BIG DREAMS for myself, my husband, and our family
Cry again because I seriously find myself wondering if our family is called to do something radical, but am afraid of what that looks like
Rest in the arms of my merciful Jesus who knows EXACTLY what I'm feeling
Work out so I keep my body healthy and mind sane (the shower helps too)
Try to go to bed before the next days starts and then REPEAT!
Have you been there my friends? This is my life as of lately. I want to live a life that is different and gives people a reason to ask me why it's different. But I struggle with my selfish flesh and yearn for the typical American middle class life. It would be easy for me to just throw in the towel and tell myself not to be so hard on myself and that I "do" plenty. But that feels like an easy way out. At the same time God does not want me to feel the way I do feel sometimes, like I just suck. So this week and next week and the week after that times infinity I'm going to try and give myself a break and yet keep my heart open for God to work in and move me anyway or anywhere He wants to.
5 comments:
I found a link to your blog on the Primer facebook page. We have recently started attending the Stone, have three kids & are in the process of getting licensed to foster/adopt with Arrow. We just had our home study last week! Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I know EXACTLY how you feel...
So wonderful to meet you (over the world wide internet that is) What part of Austin do you live in? We should get that fams together and chat.
Girl...don't you just want to turn the brain offf. So the other day I was reading in 2 Cor 4 specifcally verse 16 where it talks about being renewed daily...I thought just meant when i spent time with Him but then D amd I discussed it and I forgot about the holy spirit living in me...Gods power and GRACE is renewing me daily....I needed to be reminded....Live by Gr ace...harder to do then I thought...love ya and praying for yall.
We are in Leander. I almost didn't see your reply because I didn't think to look back at the original post. Where are you guys?
i know this post was ages ago, but i stumbled on your blog and I often feel like I'm listening to myself as you write - to my own journey with my husband in walking toward long term or permanent fostering (as it's called here in Australia), to our past few years coping with illness (though not my own as you have journeyed) and cancer of family members, and the difficult path of keeping trust in God and his plans cause it's not all about me... and of my desire to do something radical, something that isn't necessarily safe, or something that will 'mess up' that cute family picture of middle class life... all these things you write about in a way that makes my spirit jump. I will keep reading what you are writing, cause it is encouraging and raw and honest as well as deeply committed to God. Thanks for sharing your personal struggles with those of us you'll never know. Sarah (an American living in Tasmania)
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