At the beginning of this week, I was helping my Dad unpack and was shoving a bunch of bubble paper into a box and felt a sharp stab. I lifted my hand and found a 6 inch piece of glass sticking out the top of it. I'm fine and felt pretty silly getting hurt "unpacking." But, I did hurt my hand. The "wound" is deep and it will take some time to heal. It got me thinking about the things I need God to heal. The wounds in my heart and flesh. This week I've been working on not getting angry with the boys. If there is one thing that has suffered with the addition to another kiddo in the McManus house, it's my loud voice. I wouldn't say I get "angry angry" I just get loud, because sometimes my life is loud and I feel the need to be the LOUDEST to get my way.
Today for example, I was trying to get on the phone with CPS because someone had messed up J-man's visit with his Bio Mom this week. I was frustrated and trying to make lunch while talking on the phone with CPS. The boys were fooling around at the table and making noise. I put the phone on mute looked at them with "that" Mom look and loudly exclaimed that the next one to make a peep will be in DEEP TROUBLE. After I got off the phone, I had to apologize to the boys for yelling AGAIN.
Later that day, I had some quiet time to just think, pray, and get in the Word. I felt ashamed that I had once again raised my voice. I hate doing it. And, I hate even more that some days it feels like I can't NOT do it. My sinful nature is a wound in my heart that runs deep. It will take a LONG time to heal. And, let's just be honest, some days it feels like that sin and screw ups I have will never heal.
But, I find mercy and grace in the arms of my Savior and so I try again tomorrow. And, I keep trying to learn that with Christ's help, He can heal me.