Today was not a typical day in chemo land. First off my blood came back with bad news. My white blood cells have plummeted. My Doctor take that very seriously and to be honest I really have no clue why. I don't do a good job of paying attention, but I do know that I have been having a very rough week and this could be why. I'm also experiencing numbness and I keep having these epic headaches, which all means an emergency CT scan.
I don't know results yet(results came back clear), but I want to talk about what I feeling while I was laying in that machine. I have been reading "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. She is married to singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman and they lost their little baby girl in a tragic car accident, their oldest son was the driver. They pretty much experienced the worst thing I could ever imagine and this book is about their struggle dealing with this tragedy.
So as I lay there with my head stuck inside that huge machine, I couldn't help but think about what I would do if I got bad news again. The Chapman family experienced the worst "bad news" I could think of and they have taken that tragedy and given God glory. They found hope in a situation that seemed hopeless. So I laid there thinking...Would I cling to Jesus again? Or would this be the time that I can't take more bad news?
Yes if the news was bad....Yes if this doesn't kill all the cancer in my body...And yes even if it's tragedy beyond what I think I can handle...
I will have my Jesus.
Here is a song Steven Curtis Chapman wrote after losing his little girl.