Thoughts from my journal....

I decided to share some of my thoughts from my journal regularly with you. I will post them on the blog and then have a special page tab so you can go straight there to see the new and old ones all together.....

Enjoy.

Dear God,

I went in for another scan today. I really thought that this one would be completely clean. I really thought that we “deserved” good news this time. I really thought that I needed to hear that they found nothing this time. I really…….

The Doctor did find another suspicious spot. And today I was reminded that this is going to be a loooooong battle. I may not always take having an incurable cancer seriously. Today I do.

I “deserve” a lot worse. And sometimes I need to be reminded. And sometimes I need to remember that you don’t work that way. And that you have already saved me from death.

-Jan 12^th, 2012

Dear God,

I can’t believe this is already my 3^rd day doing chemo in the infusion room. I call it cancerland, cause that is what it feels like: a different land. The people are soooo sick here. Am I going to get that sick?

I sat next to an old man, he was alone and sad looking. I talked to him as we looked at the window. He smiled once and then took a nap.

I pretended to take a nap too. But really I just there thinking. Thinking about how blessed I am. And about how I want to share my joy with others. That fact that I can still smile as big as I do is a miracle.

And I want to share that with others……

-August 3^rd , 2011

Dear God,

Bryce asked me today about his future wife.

B: Who am I going to marry, Mom?

Me: God has picked out a perfect girl for you to marry. But in a long, long, long, time.

B: Is she going to be pretty?

Me: Baby, she is going to be the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Like a princess!

B: (huge smile on his face) Wow. God really loves me.

That was adorable. And he is right, God you do love us!!!

-Jan 15^th, 2012

Dear God,

I have been the hospital for 2 days and it really feels like I will never get out of here. I am pretty high right now, so I am sure that this does not make sense.

I miss my Adam. And I wish he was here.

I am so glad that my Dad is living in Austin now. Everyday I wake up and find him visiting me. He gets up early and heads over to the hospital. He cracks me up because he doesn't wake me up, just turns on the TV, makes some coffee for himself, and sometimes munches on my breakfast. And I LOVE IT!!!

Thank you for an earthly Father that just loves me. A Daddy who wakes up early in the morning and heads over to hang out with his daughter in the hospital.

-June 17th, 2011