I miss my foster babies....

I have been doing chemo since August and it's still not going great. Not that chemo should go great, but I thought by now my body would start doing better. It's not. I'm still having some pretty nasty side affects. So last night I decided to cheer myself up and sat here and looked through pics of my kids. (Please tell me you do this too)

I came across pics from last Halloween, and it made me tear up. There was my sweet little J-man smiling back at me. I miss that sweet baby boy. (For those who are new to our story, J-man was our foster son for 7 months) We haven't had any foster babies in our house since the end of July and that makes me very sad. J-man was the sweetest baby with a smile that could brighten everyone's day. Which got me thinking. This is one reason why I fight the way that I do.

You see we aren't fostering while I'm doing treatments, it is just not a good idea. But we will foster again (and maybe eventually adopt) and it gives me something to fight for when this cancer journey gets hard.

And his smile cheered me up.

Maybe you need something to bring a smile to your face today, and J-man can do that. I'm sorry that we can't show his face, but it is the rule.

These two were so adorable. We called them "our twins" and they LOVED each other so much.
Bryce and J-man

Teaching J-man how to walk.

My Dad was J-man's favorite person in the whole world. They were such buddies.

Did it work? Are you smiling now?

Saying Goodbye to our Little M

Last week, we had to say goodbye to our sweet baby "Little M". I can't talk about her case, but I can say that Bio Mom and Dad messed up, and it will be a long journey. So everyone involved agreed that the best thing to do for Little M and her siblings was to put them all together in a foster home (long term). That way, the siblings can bond and if they go up for adoption they will be together. It was horribly sad saying goodbye to our sweet baby girl, but we have learned that God's plan for us on this foster journey is perfect.

We all mourned losing Little M in different ways. Connor immediately asked when we were going to get another foster baby. Bryce was quiet. And Alexis decided to carry her baby-doll around everywhere she went. Adam and I are doing okay. It is always hard for us when we say goodbye to one of our foster kiddos. It hurts deeply. And yet we are all encouraged knowing that God is good and that He has a perfect plan for our family and for the babies we have had in our family.

We talk about adoption a lot in our family. We talk about how we were all orphans before God took us in and adopted us into His family. I love that my kids understand that there are kids out there that need our help and love. I love that they love on kiddos who are not their siblings biologically. I love that they still talk about J-man as their brother and of course Little M as "our" baby. I pray that as they grow that God continues to work in their hearts. I pray that they never feel too confused or mad that our family has decided to live this foster journey. I pray that they continue to pray for all the babies we have come through our doors and I pray that you join me too.

We will take a break from fostering until we feel like I am physically well. Our agency is super awesome and is supporting us no matter how long it takes.

Little M's picture will go up on our family photo wall and forever she will be one of "ours" in our hearts. And one day I pray that I see her again in heaven...

Foster Update

Our sweet "Little M" and her bio family have begun the reunification process. We went to court two weeks ago. The judge loved what she is saw from bio Mom and Dad and ordered CPS to begin reunifying the family. Praise God that "Little M" will be home with her family soon. But this time is always very difficult for us and our babies.

"Little M" is doing okay with the changes but it is hard bouncing back and forth from house to house. She has become a little bit (okay maybe a lot) more attached to me and wants me to hold her all day. Poor little thing is just trying to figure out what is happening. When she came to us in February she had no such schedule, but now LOVES it!! So this is a hard time for her.

Please continue to pray for us as we begin the process of saying goodbye, pray for her parents, and pray for our little sweet baby.

Foster Update

Little M has been with us for almost 5 weeks now. Wow times flies. So I thought I’d give everyone an update. She is a great little baby. I’ve got her on a perfect schedule right now and adore watching her learn more and more each day. She’s rolling over now, laughing, talking, and grabbing things with her hands. (she didn’t do any of that when we first got her) She loves being held and talked or singed to and can get pretty upset if someone (especially Mom) doesn’t pick her up when she wants you to.

The kids are doing great with her too. My favorite thing is when Alexis tries to convince Little M that she should have a binky in her mouth at all times. Little M doesn’t want it, but Alexis (who can only have one in her bed) doesn’t understand why not. Bryce “wubs” her and wants her to stay forever and still insists on introducing our “new baby” to everyone he sees. Connor is stepping up as a “helper” especially if it means he can earn another minute or two of Wii time.

Her case seems pretty calm. I take her to visits each week and have actually started picking up her Bio Mom too. And we’ve heard that CPS is still aiming for reunification in late May. Who knows what that means though. I’ll continue to keep everyone updated as much as I can.

new placement

We got the call last Wednesday for another foster baby. This time a 4 month old baby girl!!!! Here's all the information I can give you right now.

1) She will more than likely be only a foster. Yup, that means we'll find ourselves handing over this little angel back to her biological parents one day. (That day could be as early as May)

2) Due to issues we can't discuss we are actually the second foster home for this little angel since being originally removed from her biological parents.

3) We'll call her "Little M" online. (for those who don't know we can't give any personal information about our foster kiddos online....Oh and no pictures)

4) 4 month old babies don't sleep through the night! Huh? She was getting up 2 times a night when we first got her, but I have her only getting up once now. So I feel good about that. UPDATE: We're back to up at 2 am and 6am every night. Lord Help ME!

5) Connor, Bryce, and Alexis and adjusting great! They love to help feed her, make her smile and laugh, and don't care one bit that we have another McManus kiddo.

I'll keep everyone updated as we continue on yet another foster journey......

Foster Update

Yes, we're still fostering.

We're back on the list and waiting once again. We almost got a newborn baby girl a couple weeks ago. (Umm yeah that made my heart skip a beat....a NEWBORN)

This is always a weird place to be. First, I feel like we're always 1 phone call away from another crazy journey. And second, because I can't "hope" to have a placement because that simply means a baby is being hurt somewhere.

So, it's good that we haven't had a call. And it's not good because we are back to waiting......

(I hate waiting)

How did it go?

I know that is what everyone is thinking. So here's how the morning went. We kept the morning very simple and very "what we do every morning". We got dressed, ate breakfast, laughed, played with toys, and rushed to get everyone in the car on time.

We drove to meet Bio Mom and I was beginning to get a little sad when all of a sudden I heard a whimper and a sound no Mom wants to hear. Yup, Alexis puked EVERYWHERE!!! She puked milk which made it even worse. I had to pull over on the highway and cleaned her up.

Cleaning puke was HORRIBLE, but a little bit of a blessing. You see I don't have normal "flight or fight" response to stressful things. Nope I'm more of a "clean or fight" kind of person. When I stress out or am sad. There is only one thing I want to do; CLEAN! I know it's weird, huh? So it was good that right about the time I was starting to get pretty stressed and sad, I got distracted and just had to clean.

When I finally pulled into the parking lot, I felt pretty good. I hadn't even thought about it, cause well I was paranoid that Alexis was going to throw up again.

Anyway I pulled in and jumped out of the car. Bio Mom was already crying and so I teared up a bit too. We embraced and celebrated for a moment. I hadn't seen her since court a couple months ago. We had talked on the phone, but it wasn't the same. She thanked us and began crying again. She told me that she couldn't have picked a better family to love on J-man during this time. It was a perfect "goodbye".

The older boys did a great job saying "goodbye", because we had told the kids that J-man's Bio Mom was sick and couldn't take care of him. So to them even though they weren't going to see their brother again, it was exciting to them that he finally got his Mommy back. Connor told me on the way back home that J-man's Bio Mom must have really missed him and will be so happy to have him for Christmas. I love that kid's heart. He just "gets" stuff sometimes.

Bio Mom and I had one last hug and a cry. And we took off. The rest of the day was pretty normal (expect no gym for me because of pukey Alexis, luckily she never threw up again). I had some moments when I teared up, but overall felt good.

I need prayers from everyone that the Holy Spirit continues to do a work in my heart. It's the only way I've made it threw this crazyness this whole 6 months. I've had a weird peace this whole process and I can't explain why without talking about "a peace that passes all understand" (Philippians 4:7). Even when things got sad or frustrating or just plain annoying, I always felt a calming peace. I will continue to need that the next days and weeks.

The bigger question is "will we do this again?" I'll write about it later. But the short answer is "yes, of course".

Saying Goodbye to a SON

Tomorrow morning I'll wake up. Go into his room. Scoop him up and get him dressed. I'll tickle him and get a morning hug. We'll walk downstairs. I'll walk, he'll go on his stomach. I'll get his milk and his cheerios. He'll be smiley and giggling as the kitchen becomes louder and louder with kid's voices, and squeals, and screams. He'll talk and giggle with his sister. Maybe even throw a Cheerio or two. I'll clean him up. Get his things and walk him to the car.

Then I'll say "goodbye".....

On Friday, I'll say goodbye to my son. He came to us 6 months ago; scared, sleepy, with no clothes, no toys, nothing. We knew nothing about him. But LOVED him. He quickly became part of our family. We had a couple of weeks where we thought he'd be our son forever. Then for months we knew that just simply wasn't the case. His Bio Mom was working hard to get him back and one day we would say goodbye.

My heart is aching and rejoicing. Rejoicing for a mother who has not been with her son for months. She has worked hard and is doing great. But he is MY son. He's been MY son for months. He calls me "Mama." He's a brother to my sons. A brother...no a twin to my daughter. He's my husband's "big man" and son. He loves us very much and we love him.

I'm frustrated that we have to say goodbye a week before Christmas. I hate that he won't be here with us. But I'm excited that his Bio Mom doesn't have to miss the first Christmas he gets to enjoy.

Join me friends. Pray for our little man.

Pray for his Bio Mom.

Pray for this transition.

Pray for Connor, Bryce, and Alexis. Pray for Adam and me.

Pray that the short time he was with us, the short time he was our son means something eternally.

Pray that one day I see my son again. This time we embrace knowing that we'll spend eternity together......Pray my friends!